I think i can say i quit smoking.

Currently it is the 8th of june at 5am in the morning. The weather outside is clear the birds are singing and my room is stuffy,hot and annoying. I just can't fall asleep and for the past few hours ive been frantically been looking for things to do to at least try and send me off...... I'm still awake,lets write.
Today marks 21 days since ive had a ciggarette. I think i can say ive officially quit and you know i can actually feel a difference already.
Breathing has become a hell of a lot easier, its strange but you really don't notice until you quit. Its like having a weight taken off your chest its pretty amazing.
The first 3 days of quitting are hellish. Lets face it, its an addiction and with anything you have to throw away its going to be hard and i'm not going to lie it was.
I still get the urge to light up now. Its a hard thing to describe but you get extremely wound up and irratable, as time goes on its getting less and less as it leaves my system.
I think in all honesty this is the first time in a year and a half ive had Nicotine out my system for more than a week. I wasn't a heavy smoker but i could smoke through a pack a week. Malboro Lights being my favourite... well ex favourite.
Its a long time, a very long time. I can remember my first ciggarette now and i can remember saying i'm never going to get hooked on these. A year later i was clearly in denial until i realised i couldnt go 3 days without lighting up. It wasn't until i looked into the effects of smoking i relised just how dangerous it is. I watched someone die of stage IV Lung Cancer and it was the most horrific thing ive ever seen. They literally bled to death from the inside out, you could hear it gargling in their lungs as they breathed faithlessly. Its a haunting sound. Almost like blowing through a straw into a drink only on the inside. I knew i had to quit. But it isnt easy and 2 nights ago i gave in and bought 30 ciggarettes but strangely i left the shop i didn't light up. Nor when i got in the car or when i got home.
It'd been a rough day at work and download is coming out i'll have one. I'm very glad i didnt now as news would hit me which was a bit of a shock.
As i walked into the house i showed my mam the new Malboro Light packet in an amazed like fashion and she just glared at me. I knew something was up. Her uncle had just been diagnosed with Lung Cancer. My heart sank and i got this horrible gut feeling. I felt selfish and naive. It'll never happen to anyone i know i said, well it just did. I don't know him well but regardless its terrible news, i really hope they can do something.
It was at that moment i relised the games up, i handed the packs over to my mam still sealed and i'm going to try never to smoke ever again.
I sometimes feel i glorified smoking. I did. I was caught in the image and the awe with it. I guess you could say i was the Tobacco companies perfect candidate. I take it all back and regret it. Smoking was cool until someone i know started dieing from it.
The only way to quit Smoking is to go cold turkey. Nicotine patches wont work neither will overdosing Nicotine. It'll remain there until you smoke or the next patch goes on. To escape you must look the demon in eye and tackle it head on. Its not an easy task to do, but once your free you look back and think just what was a thinking.

Matt.A

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
James Dean